Dealing With Trauma Triggers

Most of us are aware of the larger trauma triggers. We can recognize some of the people, places, and things that harmed us, and do our best to avoid them all. For example, if our trauma had something to do with the beach we can avoid any area with sand or any sounds of the beach. We can sit down with our therapist and make a list of all of the things that we know trigger our trauma response or bring us back to those frightening events. But what about the unconscious triggers? The ones we don’t recognize, and often find upsetting us, pulling us into flashbacks and causing us to dissociate.

Shards of My Soul

You left the broken shards of my soul,

Scattered in the dirt, in the filth,

I did not ask for the gift you bestowed upon me,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

The revulsion your memory conjures up,

Consumes me with a need to wretch,

The callousness of your existence,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

The trickle of my blood down the length of the blade,

The knife you hold to my quaking throat,

The heat of your body behind me,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

I gasp staring up at you my mouth slightly agape,

I know what you desire, what you require of me,

A shiver, I slowly nod closing my eyes,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

I bite my lower lip my body jerking in revulsion,

Your cruel commands echo in my mind,

I indolently open my mouth and swallow,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet molester.

“Ugh,” I groan through a kick in my ribs,

Painfully I crawl back to my hands and knees,

My head jerked back by my hair so I smell your breath,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

I know what you need as you kick my knees apart,

I won’t succumb that easily,

What you will not have offered, you shall take by force,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

I bite my tongue, my mouth filling with blood,

The ravishing of my body has begun in earnest,

The blood trickles down my chin as tears swell,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

The burning inside me makes my stomach churn,

My eyes clenched shut in revulsion,

The flames inside me grow as they burn,

“Fuck You,” my lover, my sweet rapist.

Your grunts sound rapidly in earnest,

What you have needed these long hours is almost here,

Your sharp slaps of my ribcage loudly echo,

“Thank You,” my lover, my sweet…

Flashbacks

My heart races, my palms sweat,

A sigh, a gasp, a moment stollen in silence,

Memories of a dark night long past.


My body quakes, my heart breaks,

Ripping me from my tranquil slumber,

I scratch at the fragments of my reality.


My ashen face soaked in tears,

Your arms pull me into a warm embrace,

Your caresses begin to calm my torment.


“Sweetie I’m here,” you whisper,

Your hand runs through my soaked hair,

The softness of your lips upon my cheek.


The tears are flowing easily now,

Your strokes attempt to calm, to comfort me,

The visions of that night endlessly haunt me.


“You’re safe here with me,” you whisper,

I look up gazing into your caring eyes,

A forced smile crosses my face.


Visions of my eternal nightmare plague me,

Sweetly you wipe the tears from my eyes,

Your lips gently press into my own.


Inhaling your breath awakens my senses,

My arms reach up, slipping around you,

Harder your kiss penetrates my nightmare.


A hand caresses my cheek as your lips part,

A taste of you upon my lips,

I know I am safe with you, my dear love.


Safe at last from the eternal nightmare,

Sheltered within your arms,

Our souls entwined in the intimacy of a kiss.


You my love, you have made all the difference,

A world of sorrow, of self imposed isolation,

Broken down, shared with you my true love.